Days before Mother's Day, how Leigh Dunlap and her family were going to spend the holiday had been thrown up in the air.
Dunlap, principal of Southwest Early Childhood Center and foster parent of three children, had just received an email from the young foster children's mother who asked that they visit with her on the holiday.
To meet the mother's request, Dunlap's family would have to scrap plans to possibly visit her mother-in-law in Tennessee. And because it is required, Dunlap would have to supervise the visit, meaning she would be away from her own biological children for part of the holiday.
"I want her to see them as much as possible," she said. "It's a delicate balance - balancing my own kids' Mother's Day with theirs."
Dunlap's situation is not all that unusual. Parents across the region often struggle with the tug-of-war that comes with taking in children to raise as if they were their own.
The need for foster parents is at an all-time high, said Deana Alonso, director of the Central Missouri Foster Care and Adoption Association. About 15,000 Missouri children are in need of foster care. Of those, about 1,400 reside in the 13-county area served by the CMFCAA.
"Missouri has seen an increase in kids in foster care over the last several years - more than we've ever seen before," Alonso said. "A lot of it has to do with drug use."
Alonso said the heroin epidemic, increased use in pain medications and Missouri's continued struggle with methamphetamine have contributed greatly to damage to families.
In Missouri, when children are removed from a home, the ideal placement is with a fit parent. Barring that option, a grandparent or blood relative is sought. A kinship (or non-relative who is close enough to the family to appear as family) placement is considered. Some go into foster care with strangers. Most over age 9 end up in residential treatment facilities or congregate care (such as group homes, residential child care communities, child care institutions and maternity homes), Alonso said.
"We are super grateful for all of the moms that are taking care of kiddos that need a mom so much," Alonso said. "All the moms in the state of Missouri that care for kids that are abused and neglected. It takes a lot of care and a lot of love."
That includes love for a parent who has been separated from her children because of something she has done. The biological mother of the three children for whom Dunlap is caring is working to meet requirements before they can be returned to her permanently, Dunlap said.
"No matter what she's done, she still loves her kids," she said.
And the children love their biological mother and wonder why they're not with her.
Eight-year-old Coby said their father bought their mother blue flowers every Mother's Day and took her to a restaurant. The father is in and out of the picture with the family.
"We just write cards that say 'Happy Mother's Day,'" Coby said about their family tradition with their biological mother.
His younger sister, 6-year-old Roxy, wondered if they would see their mother.
"We probably won't be with my mother," Roxy said, then turned to Dunlap. "Maybe we could write a Mother's Day card for you. We would write 'Happy Foster Mother's Day.'"
If they can, it's important for people who place foster children to keep siblings together.
Tammy Kelliehan, of Columbia, has four foster children right now - all siblings.
The siblings had been divided, but the oldest of the children, 15-year-old Te'Onica, wanted them all together.
"She really wanted to be with her siblings," Kelliehan said.
Kelliehan and her husband moved into a larger apartment to make it possible.
"We are family. They understand that," Kelliehan said. "It takes a lot to understand what it means to be a family."
She said they have no special plans for Mother's Day besides spending time as a family.
There's a Mother's Day tradition in the Jefferson City home of Kelly and Dan Lane. And it very much involves boys the couple has fostered and adopted.
Their biological son, Harrison Lane, at age 10 is the big brother to his new siblings.
"Sometimes they're fun to play with," Harrison said. "And other times they're brats."
Eight-year-old Logan Lane arrived for foster care in the household about four years ago. Two years later, when the couple was able to adopt him, he asked not only that his last name be changed, but that he change his first name. "Sure," was the answer. When he announced he wanted "Wolverine," the Lanes suggested he could honor the same comic book character by using "Logan." He thought that was cool enough.
Also in the household for the past four years is Colton Thomas, a 9-year-old for whom the couple has legal guardianship.
Guardianship is a more permanent placement for children than foster care. A legal guardian has rightful control and can make decisions on behalf of the child, but the child can maintain a connection with his parents.
Colton's four sisters were fostered in the household briefly but have moved on to other families.
The Lanes are now a family of five.
"This is what we wanted," Kelly said. "It was just us three for so long."
Dan had done social work and participated in foster care in Iowa right after college. Kelly's mother and uncle had been adopted as children.
"We just had a long history in both of our lives, and it just made sense," Kelly said. "So, when we joined in 2014, right where we are is where we pictured our lives."
They anticipated being the soccer mom and dad - which is what they became.
Harrison has baseball practice three nights a week. Colton has swim practice three nights a week. And Logan has soccer practice twice a week.
"We divide and conquer - that's our mantra," Kelly explained. "We do it for them."
Some families can't afford to do everything they'd like to do for their foster children, such as send them to summer camps. In many cases, the CMFCAA can step in and help, Alonso said. The organization provides scholarships for children who want to go to camp or participate in activities.
"We maintain a budget for those scholarships and opportunities year after year," Alonso said.
The organization also partners with One Simple Wish, a national organization that supports foster care providers. One Simple Wish has sent Missouri foster children to Disney World. It has also helped foster families with car repairs or deposits on apartments.
"(Fostering) takes sacrifice," Alonso said. "We are proud to support them, to support all of our foster parents."
CMFCAA will hold a Foster Care Appreciation Hoedown at 4 p.m. May 26 at Glenn Acres Farm in Columbia. Information about opportunities for adoption, foster care and respite care are available at ccfosteradopt.com.
A respite allows one foster family to care temporarily for another's children as a sort of break.
The Lanes have relationships with other foster families, they said. Dan said the couple continues to help other foster families through respite care.
People involved in foster care are an extended "foster family" and a great community, Kelly said.
"You get to learn the other families, and they help you and you help them," Dan said.
After chores were done, Dan and the boys spent parts of last week scheming about their secret plans for Mother's Day. Last year, the secret involved the boys' shopping for a gift at Amié B. and the Orchid Emporium on West Truman Boulevard.
Kelly anticipates having mimosas in the morning and receiving a bouquet. Their Mother's Day tradition always includes spending the day preparing flower pots and hanging baskets for flowers to line their entire deck.
"We've got a million planters out there," Dan said. "We'll get the soil and all the plant starts, and we'll make the whole deck a flower oasis."
By mid-summer, it's a flower garden.
But today is a day for mothers - biological, adoptive and foster.
Dunlap said her wards sometimes ask why they aren't with their mother. They want to recognize their biological mother on the holiday.
"As much as I want it to be my day - and I know she's created the situation for herself - but she wants to be with her kids," Dunlap said. "We'll probably try to put something together for her for Mother's Day. If we're able to do something, I'll probably take them to buy her something."