Tears streamed down the face of a Maries County woman as she listened to a pastor say the closing words at a friend's funeral in May 2013. She placed her hands on three women sitting in front of her and prayed, mourning the loss of their friend, Chanel Schroll, a Branson woman who committed suicide days before.
Sundi Jo Graham, a native of Belle, met Schroll and the other women at the Table Rock Freedom Center, a home for women suffering from addictions, mental illness and a gamut of other life setbacks. Schroll and the women Graham comforted that day had been kicked out of the program after breaking rules. The center later closed in 2012 due to lack of financing and leadership, Graham said.
Daily struggles became too much for Schroll to bear, but she wanted others to find hope, as she wrote in her suicide note: "Every day is a constant battle with addiction and depression. Please beat whatever addiction you're going thru. There was nothing more that anyone could have said to me, the pain is too great for me to carry. I want people to be aware of how dangerous this dependency is. I want my words to reach out and maybe save someone. I love all of you and will miss you even more."
Those words were printed on memorial cards distributed at Schroll's funeral, and one hangs on Graham's refrigerator as a reminder of what could have been her fate if she hadn't received help.
As she prayed over the women during Schroll's funeral, Graham made a decision that weighed on her heart - she was determined to open her own women's home and help women like Schroll.
"The broken need a place to go - it's time," Graham said she thought at that moment.
Graham established Esther's House of Redemption in 2013, filing for non profit organization status. Through the organization, she connects with women in need and mentors them. Her dream is to open a women's home by 2016, providing a place in Belle for women to heal through the Christian faith - as she did six years ago.
"Just surviving'
Graham grew up in Belle, where by age 8, family friends had sexually abused her three times. As a teenager, she was raped - a memory she said she buried so deep she forgot it happened. Her father, who was addicted to drugs and alcohol, abandoned her at a young age.
"I became an adult quickly," Graham said.
Using food as a coping mechanism, Graham, at 5 feet and 2 inches, gained weight and weighed her heaviest at 330 pounds when she was 24. As a teenager, she started drinking alcohol, smoking marijuana and using speed (methamphetamine) as an additional way to numb her pain. Graham's hatred toward men drove her into a homosexual relationship in her late teens. The relationship, Graham, who is heterosexual, said, was one she didn't belong in but continued for five years. At this point, Graham said she was "just surviving."
After a one-year stint at Mineral Area College, Graham and her girlfriend moved to Branson, a place Graham said was big enough to feel like a city to her, but still had a small-town feel. She tried pursuing a career in comedy, but the plan fell through. While there, Graham discovered the Woodland Hills Family Church, and in 2006, gave her life to the Lord, she said.
All of her problems didn't go away instantly, though.
Graham joined the church's prayer team, but wouldn't hold hands during prayers as she was resistant to touch, her friend, Jennifer White, said.
"She was very distant, but reaching out in a way," White said, adding Graham had a "nurturing and shepherding" nature.
Chatting over Facebook, Graham would reveal details of her past to White, and the two became close friends. They both attended a Bible study, and when Graham didn't show one day, White said she knew something was wrong. When White confronted Graham about her absence, Graham said she didn't want to live. White took action, contacting pastors and asking for advice.
It was decided Graham needed an intervention, and White and four others showed up at Graham's apartment ready to take her to the Table Rock Freedom Center. Graham had left work early that day, grabbing a tall beer she referred to as the "brown bag special" and drank it as friends entered her home. White said she threw the drink away and talked Graham into going to Table Rock as others packed her clothing and belongings.
On the way to the center, Graham spotted a Bible inside White's car and had a realization.
"God didn't leave me; I left God," she said. "He's taken me on a crazy journey ever since."
Redemption at Table Rock
At Table Rock, Graham participated in Bible studies and counseling specific to her issues. Writing was a key to her healing, she said. She later published her journal, which includes details of her conflicts with her father, in a book titled "Dear Dad, Did You Know I Was A Princess?"
Through these healthy coping mechanisms, Graham said she had to deal with the root of her issues. She practiced forgiveness, which she calls the first step in the healing process, and lost 50 pounds for a total of 145 pounds lost over a two-year period. When she mentors women, she takes the same approach and finds out why they're making poor life decisions.
"Addiction is the symptom of a deeper problem - let's fix that problem," Graham said.
The prayer room was a place where Graham said she spent most of her time. Crying in the prayer room, Graham said she felt God's presence.
"God was speaking to my heart, and he said, "Sundi Jo, when are you going to let me love you?'" she said.
A year after entering Table Rock, she graduated from the program in 2010. White said she noticed a difference in her friend.
"You knew that she smiled and she meant it," White said.
Graham remained active at Table Rock, mentoring women and marketing the center. It eventually closed, and friends encouraged Graham to start her own women's home for years. The idea remained with her, but she was resistant to it.
"God called me to continue the ministry, and I said, "Absolutely not,'" she said.
But when Schroll died, Graham's attitude changed and she decided to "stop being disobedient." In creating the organization, Graham reflected on the biblical story of Esther, a woman who prepares for a year to meet a king. She hopes women who spend a year in the home, which she is currently searching for, will graduate with a similar story after growing closer to God.
Unexpected homecoming
Graham first started her search for a home in Branson, where she lived at the time. After difficulties in finding a space and backlash from the community, friends pushed her to return to Belle - a move Graham said she would never make after leaving.
"My past was there. All my pain was there," she said. "The town was a deep, dark hole I didn't want to be a part of."
The thought stayed on her mind, and Graham said by God's will she came back to her hometown. The Belle she remembered was not the one she re-entered, she said. On her move-in day, she was met by members of a local church who helped carry her belongings the day after a snowstorm.
That image of the town is one that holds true for Graham today. As she works toward strengthening Esther's House of Redemption, Graham said she has received support. Proceeds from the third annual Mid-America Bank "Fuel the Gap" race in Belle on Sept. 26 will go toward Esther's House. Graham said running the home will be expensive, with a cost of $150 per woman per day.
She envisions Esther's House establishing a business that creates jobs for the women while supporting the organization financially. She dreams of opening more homes, including some overseas, each with someone on staff 24 hours a day.
"When I allow myself to dream, the options are endless because, unfortunately, there's a need," she said.
For more information on Esther's House of Redemption, visit ehor.org.