From the Stacks: Memoir explores relationship between grandmother, granddaughter

"Nobody Will Tell You This But Me" is a memoir, sort of.

Its author, Bess Kalb, tells the story of her grandmother, Bobby Bell, but in Bobby's voice and from beyond the grave since Bobby died in 2017 at age 90. One reviewer calls it "a remarkable act of literary ventriloquism."

"Bobby" addresses her story to Bess and interspersed with family history and lore are actual emails, voicemail messages and photos from Bobby to Bess; all of which create a funny yet poignant portrait of a strong, glamorous, opinionated woman whose fierce love for her granddaughter is palpable throughout the memoir.

One of the most affecting stories Bobby tells Bess is one shared with her by her own mother, Rose, when Bobby was 10 years old and in the hospital with meningitis, fighting for her life. Rose tells of her life as a Jewish person in Belarus in the 1880s and the hardships and pogroms she and her family faced.

Rose's mother, Sarah, finally tells Rose, "There is no life here, Rose. Only death," and insists Rose escape to America. Through sheer determination, Rose manages to save the equivalent of $20 by selling rags for a year. Then she undertakes the harrowing journey from Russia to America, alone, at age 12.

Bobby goes on to tell Bess many funny and touching stories of her life as the daughter of poor Russian immigrants in a crowded Brooklyn tenement who went on to marry Bess's grandfather, Hank, also the child of immigrants. Hank did so well in real estate that they were eventually able to move to the suburbs and buy a vacation home on Martha's Vineyard.

When Bess is born, Bobby is not interested in the usual grandmotherly activities of cookie baking and swing pushing. Instead, she tells Bess, "I never treated you as a child. I treated you as my equal so I'd have a friend." She takes Bess to lunches at The Plaza, to see the ballet and Broadway plays. They visit museums together and talk about art. They had regular shopping dates at Saks and Bloomingdale's.

While always well-meaning, Bobby could be honest to a fault and offered unsolicited advice on everything from Bess's hair color to her choice in pets: "We are not cat people, Bess." She could occasionally be hurtful with her words, but the two always managed to patch things back up again.

"Nobody Will Tell You This But Me" is a testament to the friendship between Bess and Bobby. Bess Kalb has created a loving but honest tribute to her grandmother. I highly recommend it for those who enjoy family memoirs.

Lisa Sanning is the adult services librarian at Missouri River Regional Library.