Tim O’Mara
Jefferson City
Dear Editor:
In a recent letter to The Trib, Mr. Horstmann seemed to be questioning my manhood because of my liberal values. He wondered “where all the real men went.” He also used Trump’s Supreme Court nominees as proof that God has “blessed” our nation with Trump. Well, Harold, you’ve got me thinking; maybe I should be looking at Mr. Trump as an example of a “real (Christian) man” and start changing my beliefs and behaviors. Here’s what I’ve come up with:
I’m going to start cheating on my wife (and by extension, my daughter) with porn stars and Playboy models. Then, I’ll pay lots of money to cover these affairs up when there’s a really important job I want.
I will begin bragging to my friends — and anyone who’ll listen — how easy it is to get away with sexually assaulting women. The more people who know this about me, the better. I’m hoping for the nickname “Grabber-in-Chief.”
I need to work with more people who end up being convicted of, or confessing to, major crimes, some of which benefit me. Real men have powerful friends who commit powerful crimes.
I’m going to redefine my definition of the word “hero.” If you’ve fought in a war supported by America, don’t get caught. I no longer like people who get caught. If your son or daughter was killed in such a war, I can’t guarantee you’ll have the eternal gratitude of this real man.
When I’m standing next to one of the world’s biggest bullies — who’s hurt my friends and neighbors — I’m going to explain that I know what my friends and neighbors have said, but I choose to believe the bully. (Then, when I’m home safely, I’ll change my mind. Kinda.)
If you work with me and disagree with what I say, I’m going to tell everyone I know what a loser you are and threaten you. (Assuming you haven’t been convicted yet.) Even if your job is to protect America, you’re going to be called a loser. By me. Big time. In 280 characters.
I’m running out of space, but maybe with a small loan of a million dollars, I can buy some ad space and let more people know what a “real man” I am. (Then I’ll go after those fascist garbage collectors!)