The domestic violence victim archetype: A doe-eyed, delicate young woman, probably a mother.
The domestic violence perpetrator archetype: A muscular man, clenching his fist threateningly at his female romantic partner.
That's the tableau so often laid out by domestic violence awareness posters and PSAs. But heteronormative - that is, one man, one woman - relationships aren't the only ones that can turn violent.
And even in heteronormative relationships, men aren't always the aggressors. The National Coalition Against Domestic Violence points out that one in three women and one in four men will be subject to physical violence from an intimate partner during their lifetime.
"I think there's a stigma for same-sex couples in general, just because they do identify as the same gender," said Melissa Brown, programs director at the Kansas City Anti-Violence Project. "'Is it even abuse then, since they're the same?' Domestic violence is exerting power and control over someone else. It doesn't matter their sexual orientation or gender identity."
Statistics point to those in same-sex relationships being victims of domestic violence just as often as those in heterosexual relationships, according to a fact sheet from the Center for American Progress.
KCAVP is the only domestic violence and sexual assault resource specifically serving the LGBTQ (lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and queer) community in Missouri, Kansas, Nebraska or Iowa, according to its website.
"We support those folks (victims of violence, trauma, harassment, neglect and bullying) by providing dedicated services," Brown said. "We also provide community outreach and education on sexual assault and domestic violence."
As the only resource of its type in a four-state area, the center receives about 50 calls a week from people seeking help or education.
"A couple of weeks ago, we had a showcase with our youth program, Passages, and brought everyone together," Brown said, giving an example of the type of outreach events KCAVP has. "We had a talent show to raise awareness about bullying and harassment of LGBT youth."
Over the summer, the organization screened "Same Differences," a film about the struggles of lesbians who are persons of color.
But why do people who identify with the LGBTQ community need their own resources?
It's true that in many ways, domestic violence is domestic violence.
"The warning signs look the same," Brown said. "(Abusers) use whatever tactics they can use for getting power and control over someone."
Those in same-sex and different-sex relationships are also subject to similar types of abuse, with psychological abuse being the most common, according to the Centers for American Progress factsheet.
However, LGBTQ individuals face some unique types of abuse and also some particular challenges when it comes to seeking help.
"Some of those include using homophobia, biphobia or transphobia," Brown said. "Also, outing is a tactic. A lot of folks are not out, especially in communities where they could be fired or evicted for being LGBT."
Threats of outing (make the victim's gender or sexual identity public) can blackmail someone into being silent about the abuse they've received.
Abusers may also threaten to publicly accuse their victim of being HIV-positive, which carries a significant stigma, especially in the gay male community.
"That can be used in a heteronormative relationship as well," Brown pointed out.
Stereotypes and stigmas involving the LGBTQ community can provide barriers to accessing resources and protections for domestic violence victims.
"A lot of times we find that LGBTQ folks might not necessarily trust law enforcement or any kind of court system, just because of the institutionalized homophobia, or even institutional racism, for community members who are POC," Brown said.
CAP said that often, authorities are unsure of how to handle domestic violence involving same-gender couples. They may not perceive them as a couple, for example, mistaking them for roommates instead - meaning the incident wouldn't be reported as domestic violence.
They may also have a more difficult time assessing which person is the aggressor. According to CAP, gay and lesbian victims are more likely to fight back, leading authorities to believe the aggression was mutual. Sometimes one partner is more "butch" or masculine than the other, so authorities may assume the more butch partner must be the aggressor.
"Working in the LGBT community, we see how the domestic violence dynamics play out even outside the typical intimate partner situations," Brown said.
She described cases in which transgender sex workers might be abused by their pimp or their clients, whom they may see as an intimate partner.
Despite these difficulties, there is help. KCAVP is able to provide victims with help in navigating the legal system. They also offer free counseling and can assist with emergency housing and transportation.
Visit kcavp.org for a full list of services or to learn how you can get involved.
If you or someone you love are in need of help, call KCAVP's 24/7 hotline at 816-561-0550.
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