Dual losses of young lives have hit the Central Missouri region in the past week.
Three Holts Summit girls died in a vehicle accident last weekend and four pre-school age children passed Tuesday during a condo fire in Osage Beach.
Parents and adults - like teachers approaching a new school year - now face the task of helping young people cope and go through the grieving process. Signs of grief vary from child to child, said Carrie Welch, Jefferson City High School guidance director.
"You never know how one student is going to react," she said. "All students react differently."
Typical signs, though, include declining grades and outbursts of anger. Youth can also become closed off to friends, which is when those friends should step up and alert a counselor, Welch added.
When assessing her clients, Charlotte Jones, a licensed therapist with Pathways Community Health, said she uses the popular Kubler-Ross model. It outlines five stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance.
She provided an explanation for each:
• In the denial stage, people will reject the fact a loss occurred, saying phrases like "It didn't really happen."
• With anger, Jones finds people tend to lash out, become irritable, decline social opportunities with friends, no longer participate in typical activities, have a change in appetite, sleep too much or too little and ask, "Why is this happening to me?"
• People often say, "It should've been me instead" in the bargaining stage, Jones said.
• When people reach the depression stage, Jones said they feel like the pain will never go away. They also lack closure and will cry often and/or become numb. They often feel what is called survivor guilt, she added, which means they wish they could've done something to prevent the tragedy.
• Acceptance is the final stage, Jones said, but people can experience all five stages. Anniversaries, birthdays and even sensory triggers like smells and sounds can revert someone to an earlier stage for a period of time.
"With the grieving stages, it's not a one time thing and you're done," Jones said. If her clients like the idea, they will make some sort of tangible memorial, such as planting a tree or creating a memory box, as a way to commemorate a loved one.
"Acceptance is realizing you can't change it ... and finding a way to be at peace with that," Jones said.
Welch recommends parents and adults pay close attention to children for various signs. It's important to practice patience, she added, because the grieving process has no time frame.
"More than anything, listen to your child," she said.
If parents are concerned or don't know how to help their child, they can call the high school for guidance. Parents can also seek counseling referrals and information on community resources. Students are able to take time away from class for one-one-one counseling sessions, Welch said, in which counselors identify the students' crises.
After a session, a student can return to class, but if more intensive counseling is necessary, he or she is referred to a counselor from Pathways, a nonprofit organization specializing in mental health.
Group counseling is also an option if enough students are interested, Welch said. The formation of a grief support group would also depend on availability, she added, but it could allow students to connect emotionally.
JCHS teachers are trained in identifying if students need mental health assistance, Welch said, and they recognize when a student is in need.
"They understand that if a student is in crisis, they're not focused on what's going on in the classroom," Welch said.
For young children, it's important to allow them to ask questions, even if they're the tough ones about death and spirituality, Jones said. These questions are a part of the grieving process for the little ones, she added. Adults' responses vary based on a family's values and beliefs. For some children in families of faith, saying a lost loved one "lives with Jesus now" is explanation enough, for example, but others may need more questions answered, Jones said.
"There isn't one thing to say," she said.
If the grieving process seems to extend for too long, Jones recommends seeing a therapist.
For more information on Pathways' resources, visit compasshealthnetwork.org. Pathways can be reached at 573-634-3000 for anyone in need of assistance.