Gay Mormon students at BYU come out in Web video

CRISTINA SILVA, Associated Press

Sunday, April 8, 2012

Students from a strict Mormon college that prohibits “homosexual behavior” have launched a Web video aimed at reassuring other gay and lesbian youth struggling with their faith and sexual orientation.

The video recently posted to YouTube by 22 Brigham Young University students is the first of its kind with ties to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, which forbids gay sex and marriage. By posting the video, the students could face excommunication from the church and expulsion at BYU, where gay students are prohibited from touching or kissing.

The campaign is part of columnist Dan Savage’s “It Gets Better” project, which seeks to give voices and hope to bullied gay and lesbian teenagers. In the video, several BYU students confess that they considered suicide because they didn’t think they could be Mormon and gay.

“In our religion, there is a lot of misunderstanding and ugliness about homosexuality,” said Kendall Wilcox, a former BYU faculty member who produced the video and serves as an adviser to the school’s unofficial gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender support group. “We wanted to send this message that God loves you just as you are.”

The video has sent tremors through the Mormon community and represents the latest effort to reconcile the church’s conservative values with a growing acceptance toward gay relationships. The video estimates there are more than 1,800 LGBT students at BYU. It also notes that the school is consistently ranked as one of the most unfriendly campuses for those students in the nation.

A mere five years ago, BYU students weren’t allowed to discuss their sexual orientation without risking expulsion under the school’s strict honor code. A clarification in 2007 stressed that “one’s stated sexual orientation is not an Honor Code issue.”

In 2010, BYU lifted a ban on advocacy of homosexuality. That same year, students formed Understanding Same-Gender Attraction. The support group drew eight people to its first meeting. This semester more than 80 students have attended the weekly meetings on campus.

Gay students must still adhere to much stricter standards than their heterosexual classmates under the updated honor code. While premarital sex is off limits to all BYU students, straight couples are allowed to kiss and cuddle openly on campus. Gay students cannot.

The student support group is more conservative than many LGBT groups. Some members have embraced lifelong celibacy as a way to stay in the LDS church without violating its rules. One student leader is gay, but married to a woman.

Some students used the video to come out to their parents. One student recalled how she “died a little in the inside” every time she kissed a former boyfriend. “I thought eventually maybe it would be better if I died,” another student tells the camera.

BYU provides counseling to students grappling with depression, anxiety and other issues, spokeswoman Carri Jenkins said.

“Students who uphold the honor code are welcome as school members of the campus community,” she said.

Adam White, a sophomore featured in the video, said he struggled with his sexual orientation during his first year at BYU.

“It was a very dark time for me because I was just feeling so confused,” he said. “I mean, I was living in an all-male dorm, and just being in such close contact. Everything I had suppressed was coming at me.”

White took a year off of school to examine his feelings. When he returned last year, he came out on Facebook as gay.

White said he constantly thinks about transferring to a less conservative school, but hopes he can accomplish more for students like him by sharing his story.

“The ‘It Gets Better’ message is we can be open, this is not something we have to fix or change about ourselves,” White said. “This is something we can celebrate.”

The video initially drew nasty comments from some anti-Mormon and anti-gay groups. On campus, however, the reaction has largely been positive, Wilcox and White said.

Some gay activists are celebrating the video as the latest sign that the church is becoming more open to their community.

In the 1990s, LDS leaders openly fought same-sex marriage legislation nationwide and, in 2006, joined other religious denominations in asking Congress for a marriage amendment to the U.S. Constitution. Gay church members were often sent to rehabilitative therapy to “get fixed.”

But gay activists said they have made strides in recent years. A conference for LGBT Mormons was held in Salt Lake City last year and is scheduled to reconvene later this month in Washington, D.C. At the meeting, gay leaders plan to unveil an “It Gets Better” video featuring Mormon adults.

Joshua Behn, a gay activist and former BYU student who recently left the church, said he had doubts about the student video when he first heard of it.

“I was afraid it was going to be, ‘oh, you can deny your sexuality,”’ he said. “But watching, they don’t make judgments about that. They are saying, ‘there are other people out there. You are not alone.”’

Randall Thacker, 39, said he “was completely closeted, completely ashamed” about his attraction to men when he graduated from BYU in 1997. A church leader sent him to therapy to change his sexual orientation.

“To see the video gives me so much incredible hope for the future,” said Thacker, a gay activist in Washington, D.C. “It seems like a miracle.”

More like this story

Professionalism 1 year, 2 months ago

Jim here,and to be blunt and blount about this,eye and 98% of the population think homosexual men should be banned from ANY church,they can never be at Gods side or enter the kingdom of heaven,just as stated in the Holy Bible. 50 years old

dokeus6 1 year, 2 months ago

His last commandment to the disciples was to "Love One Another". Are the Christians you know doing what Jesus Commanded?

JCLifer 1 year, 2 months ago

Love your neighbor as yourself.

spelchek 1 year, 2 months ago

There you have it; hkchas is a true American, Christ told him so.

asb 1 year, 2 months ago

Gross bigotry is not a ticket to heaven boys 'n girls. "98% of Americans don't think gays should be welcome in church?" What pure tripe! The vast majority would welcome gays into their church. And Graceful, I don't see Christ rejecting gays, in you silly post or the Holy Bible.

Sequoia 1 year, 2 months ago

"For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him."

"Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you clean the outside of the cup and of the dish, but inside they are full of robbery and self-indulgence. You blind Pharisee, first clean the inside of the cup and of the dish, so that the outside of it may become clean also. Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you are like whitewashed tombs which on the outside appear beautiful, but inside they are full of dead men's bones and all uncleanness. So you, too, outwardly appear righteous to men, but inwardly you are full of hypocrisy and lawlessness..."

asb 1 year, 2 months ago

If you read Jesus' words as condemning gays, than Jesus was wrong, which is OK since men, no matter how remarkable, make mistakes. The problem is, you see the Bible as the direct word of God, and I see it as the collected writings of theological authorities from two ancient cultures. It's a wonderful book, but when it reflects the narrow fearful bigotry born of ancient middle eastern and western cultures, long since replaced by reason law and knowledge, well it's just not correct. I'm glad it gives your life a foundation, but morality, right, wrong, good, evil, and same-sex relations were all around thousands of years before the monks synthesized the medival book you so blindly adhere to.

spelchek 1 year, 2 months ago

"It's a wonderful book, but when it reflects the narrow fearful bigotry born of ancient middle eastern and western cultures, long since replaced by reason law and knowledge, well it's just not correct." -- Well if you say so...

asb 1 year, 2 months ago

It isn't me that says so, it's a number of modern churches and represents the bulk of what Christ taught. You can fear for your sphincter, but it's wrong to reject gay Christians.

JCLifer 1 year, 2 months ago

Huh? The Bible is composed of 66 separate books written by over 40 different authors spanning 1500 years (1450BC to 100 AD). Some of the books were written in Greek, others in Aramaic, and the rest in Hebrew. Most of the 40 authors did not know each other. Many of the historical events in the Bible are verified/acknowledged by non-Christian sources.

The Bible is the inspired Word of God. Believe there are mistakes in it at your own peril.

asb 1 year, 2 months ago

Yes, the Bible has many authors, and covers millenia, but it's present form was essentially distilled in Europe during the Synthesis. Yes, there is history in the Bible. But there ARE mistakes in it, and knowing that and saying that should bring no peril in a free nation.

JCLifer 1 year, 2 months ago

The Bible also talks frequently about slavery, which it does not condemn.

JCLifer 1 year, 2 months ago

Mormons do not believe that Christ is God.

asb 1 year, 2 months ago

Arrogance? Just because I don't believe its primary dogma? I appreciate the genuiness of your question, but it is not arrogance to disagree. I really don't see disregard in my comments on Christianity. I have recognized its importance to the faithful, and noted more than a few times its place in our history, politics, culture, and values; along with all other mainstream (and a few weird) religions. Any disrespect I show is toward those who would force me to adhere to its specific dogma. I think I've been reasonably civil in religious posts, if not a bit snarky when told I'm a hell-bound heathen and a tool of the devil, which is what your posts persistantly posit (sorry, the word arrogance brought up the hideous image of a certain alliterate former vice president).

Sequoia 1 year, 2 months ago

Grace: Apparently you don't understand your own self:

sciencedaily.com/releases/2012/04/120406234458.htm?tw_p=twt

tonto_goldberg 1 year, 2 months ago

Come on, Graceful. What Jesus said about marriage is that in this age people marry and are given in marriage. In heaven they are neither married nor given in marriage.

The rest is from the Apostle Paul, who is not Jesus. As a professed Christian, you are obligated not to put misunderstanding in the way of others.

JCLifer 1 year, 2 months ago

My church is not a museum for saints, but rather a hospital for sinners. Gays, theives, adulterers, liars, murderers, etc. are all welcome.

spelchek 1 year, 2 months ago

Bill Clinton: "No, thank you, Lisa. For teaching kids everywhere a valuable lesson: If things don't go your way, just keep complaining until your dreams come true." Marge: "That's a pretty lousy lesson." Bill Clinton: "Hey, I'm a pretty lousy president."

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